We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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