No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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