a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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