Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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