my sisters under your porch take her home
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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