What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
