real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize