I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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