i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
