Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
