Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
