Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His nipple licking is glorious
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
