I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
