I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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