the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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