so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
