My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
