I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize