I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
