win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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