he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
