if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
