Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
