So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
