Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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