While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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