a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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