Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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