"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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