i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
