i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
