apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize