Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
