I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize