ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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