Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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