Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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