I can tuck mytits in my pants
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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