If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
