I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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