I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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