Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and she was petting her beer can
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
