What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
false alarm. still invincible.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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