Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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