Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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