you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
