You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
