just tell him i said nine months
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
