Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
