come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
