Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
