Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
