if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
