I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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