i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
