He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
