I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
