Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
