just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
that may or may not have been my penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
