How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
