When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
