If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
