We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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