Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
