Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
