there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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